It’s been 16 days since the start of my 100 days. The goal of this exercise is to make it a healthy habit to spend some of every day focusing on fitness. I’m happy to report that during this time, I’ve only missed 2 days, and each day I’ve missed has been followed by twice the amount of activity the following day.
Even on days when I’ve been unable to make it to the gym, I’ve whipped out the 25 lb. dumbbells and done a very solid workout in the small floorspace in my bedroom. A small investment of $5 weightlifting gloves and a $5 exercise mat has made it a more comfortable space and still qualifies as *home gym* for now. So, even on days when it’s time to work out at home, even if it’s close to midnight, I still exercise. I’m proud of myself for not slipping into the ‘let’s do something easy’ category when I’m working out at home. In fact, I’ve added an extra set to each movement on these days for good measure.
The problem isn’t the exercise. The problem is these cravings I have for Very Bad Things. Things like sugar and salt, and all kinds of things that can potentially sabotage my work. To be honest, I feel like calorie counting sucks the joy out of eating. And I don’t want to hate eating! Au contraire. I want to eat and enjoy, deny myself nothing, and feel physically good and emotionally satisfied with what goes into my body. I’m so good at the concept of indulgence that I can convince virtually anybody that they deserve that cupcake, would feel cheated without it, should have it because life is short and c’mon, cupcakes! So it’s tough for me to convince myself, sometimes, that I am perfectly fine without the delicious morsel.
They say that everything is fine in moderation. I get it. I understand it. But I also know that if I follow my calorie count for weight loss, I get terribly hungry. I also stay up late, til around 1:30 am due to when I work out and my body’s patterns. So during the time I am awake after my workout, I have to take special care not to go on a snack rampage. I mean, at some point it stops being a snack and turns into a meal, right? Stress eating still happens, sometimes in small amounts, other times more. The difference is that I am totally aware when it happens. It takes everything in me to make the right choice.
When I had my weight loss previous to my last hiatus, I was doing what I could to keep everything in check. I was using MyFitnessPal to track my calories, which was helpful but tedious. I ate strictly the amounts and the foods that were ‘good’ for me. I would have salad every day, greens with every meal. It’s a little less appealing in the dead of winter in New England, but I’ve gotten back into the swing of it. I don’t like the feeling of being hungry, at all. Usually by the time I realize my body is hungry, I am famished. And that is not a good feeling. That is a feeling that leads me to overeat in the first place.
Everybody says that weight loss is 80% (at least) diet. It might be time to take a sharper focus on food. And water. I don’t drink enough water...